Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize