He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize