when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
being pregnant is like rehab
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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