Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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