So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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