Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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