I think my vagina is haunted
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
