I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Less talking, more tequila
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
FUCK WHALES
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
