so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize