You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
