I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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