I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dignity is for republicans.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
