my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
