My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
