I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
