yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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