you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
