There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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