Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I want her autograph on my taint
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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