Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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