Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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