PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we're making bets on your personal life
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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