I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize