Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
