Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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