And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
