Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
