sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
