Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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