At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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