my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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