Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
