I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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