In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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