I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
