I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
