ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
