I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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