What did we do last night that was yellow?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
