There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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