i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
