I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
