i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
