You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
