He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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