so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
