How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
