At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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