her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
