i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
