Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
