Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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