He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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