nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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