Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
