Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Randomize
