I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
