i already hear my dad disowning me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
