Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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