he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
