His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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