so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
