is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
