also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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