The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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