Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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