Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
